Here is what this Dale dude down in Florida had to say after trading away the winning goaltender from the memorable 2011 Stanley Cup Finals - and acquiring, in a separate trade, the losing goaltender from that very same memorable 2011 Stanley Cup Finals...
You know which one it is - the one that produced the most ridiculous riots seen this side of Montréal morons rioting because they actually managed to steal a first-round series they didn't deserve to win, two years prior to that or something... (We forget, ok? Or we try to...Sue us!)
The one, in definitive, that produced this most memorable romantic shot of all right here:
Betcha they aren't even together anymore; for that is how fickle true canucks really are!
But that's another story...
But back to the funniest quotable nhl.com has ever posted in its life:
That's right, folks: Dale Tallon gave away the winner just to get the loser onto his team - overall, one of the true highlights among the deals made at the 2014 trade deadline; yeah, that's how bad it was - and then he calls it a major improvement to his team overall on the quest to win it all again!
He first traded for Roberto, somehow, in exchange for a no-name, non-factor in net, goalie Jacob Markstrom (who?!? Forwards Steven Anthony and Shawn Matthias were swapped by the same occasion - again, who and who?!?) And when he realized that having the two opponents from that 2011 duel on the same team wasn't going to work out, he traded away Tim Thomas, to Dallas (hey, reuniting him with two other guys that won the Cup with him in 2011: Rich Peverley and Tyler Seguin! Call it the ''Texan Boston Connection'' already - yeah! It may work out better than Don Sweeney and Andy Moog did, yet!) in exchange for another no-name and non-factor in net like the one he had just unloaded to acquire Luongo (goalie Dan Ellis - who?) just so he could safely assume that, worse come to worse, he is at the very least back to square one after it all settles down!
Does Dale Tallon remember what happened in 2011 or doesn't he? Tim Thomas won that duel - he's the actual Cup Champion there, Dale! Or did you forget that, somehow, in the freakish frenzy that ensues each and every NHL Trade Deadline... hmm? Vancouver once did and wound up with two players with the same name when the dust settled, cleared and got vacuumed on that day...! But that's another sordid Cannots story right there... Now, Roberto Luongo (they call him ''Luuuuuuu'' now do they really - ha! He doesn't deserve to be called ''Luuuuu'' - I am ''Luuuuuu'' - call him ''Loooooooo-ser!'' or ''Chohhhhh-ker'' for that is what he is!) - sweet Lord - Roberto freaking Luongo; THAT's your ''big name down there'' that's going to make you apt and ready to achieve your goal of winning the freaking Stanley Cup...?!?
Dale... Dale... Daaaaaaaaale!!! Man-o-Man; are all Dales this dumb?!?
Maybe he took too many hockey sticks to the head when he was a player?
Those kids, back in 2011, kissed in order to soothe their nerves from seeing their supposed hero drop the ball (or the puck - in his own net) and witnessing, as a direct result of that, chaos ensue in a near-apocalyptic way on the streets of their not-so-fair west coast city (no matter how ridiculous it all was, since it was all stemming from a mere hockey game, it was still very scary to watch. The clincher was but a mere hockey game, perceived as huge in the world of ice hockey but truly infinitesimal in the Grand Scheme of Things - like, Boston reclaiming a trophy it had last won over three decades earlier, over a much-maligned franchise that has never won it but was, somehow, the heavily-favorite to take it all that year. Lest it was like every other time a ''cinderella team'' came out of nowhere to challenge an established contender for the coveted prize in the grand finale, in those ''finals'' indeed: it's happened on a number of occasions throughout recent years, starting with Boston indeed, in 1988, followed by teams such as the New Jersey Devils, once the laughing stock of the league, or the consistently mediocre Buffalo Sabres, one time - and one time only; the time they lost it to Dallas. Or even like all 24 cups engulfed by that team morons devote a near-sacrilegious cult to, over in Montrèal indeed: it doesn't mean jack-squat in the infinity of the cosmos. But, to them, to these local hordes of maniacs who eat, breathe and sweat hockey, it means loads. Go figure the mentality of a bunch of moronic poutine-grubbers, too. But that's another story - a related story nonetheless, as they usually are in our blogs, thanks to our myriad *luminous connections* and all...! But I digress...)
Is that what you want to see happen in La Florida, Dale? Is that what you want?!? All the snowbirds from Culbec... Quawbeck... whatever... practically commit suicide on the streets where they used to shoot Miami Vice episodes... all because your ''Luuuuuuuuuuuu'' there choked yet again? That is if your bunch of scaredy-cats on ice there (who ever thought ''Panthers'' would be a good monicker for an ice hockey team, for Christ's sake?!? Doesn't Florida have any other endangered species to champion? Sheesh!) and thy coaches can ever reach so far in the playoffs again - ever again!
Great couple of trades, Dale - or, as they would say in MTL (again) ''bravo, mon Dale! Lâche pas la patate'' or some darn nonsensical thing like that...!!! Poor Florida: if they think this joke is the G.M. that will rebuild their team into championship form, that is: he stunk everywhere he's been at before and he is stinking just as fine where he is now! He's taking over splendidly well where Randy Sexton had left off - back in 2011, indeed, he was already showing signs of big time inefficiency, ironically, again, playing up in Vancouver's favor... (Well, almost: they won the trade there but, as we know, they lost the war, opposite Boston, on the ice! There is some justice in this world, see?)
Now, he just helped the ''Can-nots'' unload that pricey, chokey goalie they couldn't suffer having sitting on the bench anymore...! (That precious ''Luuuuuu'' was benched during the recent ''Stadium Series'' or ''Heritage Classic'' or whatever-it's-called ''classic'' game played outdoors, between the Cannots and Senators: and whoever the goalie-that-upstaged-Lu was, he -Eddie Lack- lost as Ottawa beat Vancouver 3-2 in that one - the rookie that somehow got the coach's confidence -since Cory Schneider is also gone, to Jersey- choked as well as Luongo does himself in a definite ''unclassic'' if there ever was one, too - but that's another story... again.)
One wonders though: why didn't you do it RIGHT, Dale: why didn't you just swap no-names first (Ellis for Markstrom could still have been made, with a third team involved - or just acquire equivalents!) and then trade Tim Thomas for Roberto Luongo straight up - or via a third team, again?!?
Now THAT would have made sense.
But it would have probably made too much sense for someone with nothing but a talon left for brains, hmm?
You know which one it is - the one that produced the most ridiculous riots seen this side of Montréal morons rioting because they actually managed to steal a first-round series they didn't deserve to win, two years prior to that or something... (We forget, ok? Or we try to...Sue us!)
The one, in definitive, that produced this most memorable romantic shot of all right here:
Photog: Rich Lam - 2011
Recouped by Getty Images
Now old news...
Betcha they aren't even together anymore; for that is how fickle true canucks really are!
But that's another story...
But back to the funniest quotable nhl.com has ever posted in its life:
QUOTE OF THE DAY
It is huge. He's a big name down here and it sets the tone for our franchise. [Owner] Vinnie [Viola] and [partner] Doug [Cifu] and [new president/CEO] Rory [Babich] and I want to win the Stanley Cup, and talk is cheap, so we're acting and we're following up on what we said we would do. We're just looking to get better every day to achieve our goal of winning the Stanley Cup.
— Florida general manager Dale Tallon after bringing goaltender Roberto Luongo back to South Florida
He first traded for Roberto, somehow, in exchange for a no-name, non-factor in net, goalie Jacob Markstrom (who?!? Forwards Steven Anthony and Shawn Matthias were swapped by the same occasion - again, who and who?!?) And when he realized that having the two opponents from that 2011 duel on the same team wasn't going to work out, he traded away Tim Thomas, to Dallas (hey, reuniting him with two other guys that won the Cup with him in 2011: Rich Peverley and Tyler Seguin! Call it the ''Texan Boston Connection'' already - yeah! It may work out better than Don Sweeney and Andy Moog did, yet!) in exchange for another no-name and non-factor in net like the one he had just unloaded to acquire Luongo (goalie Dan Ellis - who?) just so he could safely assume that, worse come to worse, he is at the very least back to square one after it all settles down!
Does Dale Tallon remember what happened in 2011 or doesn't he? Tim Thomas won that duel - he's the actual Cup Champion there, Dale! Or did you forget that, somehow, in the freakish frenzy that ensues each and every NHL Trade Deadline... hmm? Vancouver once did and wound up with two players with the same name when the dust settled, cleared and got vacuumed on that day...! But that's another sordid Cannots story right there... Now, Roberto Luongo (they call him ''Luuuuuuu'' now do they really - ha! He doesn't deserve to be called ''Luuuuu'' - I am ''Luuuuuu'' - call him ''Loooooooo-ser!'' or ''Chohhhhh-ker'' for that is what he is!) - sweet Lord - Roberto freaking Luongo; THAT's your ''big name down there'' that's going to make you apt and ready to achieve your goal of winning the freaking Stanley Cup...?!?
Dale... Dale... Daaaaaaaaale!!! Man-o-Man; are all Dales this dumb?!?
Maybe he took too many hockey sticks to the head when he was a player?
Those kids, back in 2011, kissed in order to soothe their nerves from seeing their supposed hero drop the ball (or the puck - in his own net) and witnessing, as a direct result of that, chaos ensue in a near-apocalyptic way on the streets of their not-so-fair west coast city (no matter how ridiculous it all was, since it was all stemming from a mere hockey game, it was still very scary to watch. The clincher was but a mere hockey game, perceived as huge in the world of ice hockey but truly infinitesimal in the Grand Scheme of Things - like, Boston reclaiming a trophy it had last won over three decades earlier, over a much-maligned franchise that has never won it but was, somehow, the heavily-favorite to take it all that year. Lest it was like every other time a ''cinderella team'' came out of nowhere to challenge an established contender for the coveted prize in the grand finale, in those ''finals'' indeed: it's happened on a number of occasions throughout recent years, starting with Boston indeed, in 1988, followed by teams such as the New Jersey Devils, once the laughing stock of the league, or the consistently mediocre Buffalo Sabres, one time - and one time only; the time they lost it to Dallas. Or even like all 24 cups engulfed by that team morons devote a near-sacrilegious cult to, over in Montrèal indeed: it doesn't mean jack-squat in the infinity of the cosmos. But, to them, to these local hordes of maniacs who eat, breathe and sweat hockey, it means loads. Go figure the mentality of a bunch of moronic poutine-grubbers, too. But that's another story - a related story nonetheless, as they usually are in our blogs, thanks to our myriad *luminous connections* and all...! But I digress...)
Is that what you want to see happen in La Florida, Dale? Is that what you want?!? All the snowbirds from Culbec... Quawbeck... whatever... practically commit suicide on the streets where they used to shoot Miami Vice episodes... all because your ''Luuuuuuuuuuuu'' there choked yet again? That is if your bunch of scaredy-cats on ice there (who ever thought ''Panthers'' would be a good monicker for an ice hockey team, for Christ's sake?!? Doesn't Florida have any other endangered species to champion? Sheesh!) and thy coaches can ever reach so far in the playoffs again - ever again!
Great couple of trades, Dale - or, as they would say in MTL (again) ''bravo, mon Dale! Lâche pas la patate'' or some darn nonsensical thing like that...!!! Poor Florida: if they think this joke is the G.M. that will rebuild their team into championship form, that is: he stunk everywhere he's been at before and he is stinking just as fine where he is now! He's taking over splendidly well where Randy Sexton had left off - back in 2011, indeed, he was already showing signs of big time inefficiency, ironically, again, playing up in Vancouver's favor... (Well, almost: they won the trade there but, as we know, they lost the war, opposite Boston, on the ice! There is some justice in this world, see?)
Now, he just helped the ''Can-nots'' unload that pricey, chokey goalie they couldn't suffer having sitting on the bench anymore...! (That precious ''Luuuuuu'' was benched during the recent ''Stadium Series'' or ''Heritage Classic'' or whatever-it's-called ''classic'' game played outdoors, between the Cannots and Senators: and whoever the goalie-that-upstaged-Lu was, he -Eddie Lack- lost as Ottawa beat Vancouver 3-2 in that one - the rookie that somehow got the coach's confidence -since Cory Schneider is also gone, to Jersey- choked as well as Luongo does himself in a definite ''unclassic'' if there ever was one, too - but that's another story... again.)
One wonders though: why didn't you do it RIGHT, Dale: why didn't you just swap no-names first (Ellis for Markstrom could still have been made, with a third team involved - or just acquire equivalents!) and then trade Tim Thomas for Roberto Luongo straight up - or via a third team, again?!?
Now THAT would have made sense.
But it would have probably made too much sense for someone with nothing but a talon left for brains, hmm?
Comments