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Hmm... Celebs > Cylons...?



BBC America (an oxymoron if we've ever seen one) recently had fun issuing a list of the most likely celebrities to be suspected of "Cylondom"... so to speak!

For those who have no idea what the heck a Cylon could be, well, here's a quick recap: back in the late 1970s (that's right; right in the middle of the disco era) there was this TV show, the brainchild of Glen Larson, that owed a little and a lot to the Star Wars phenomenon... In it, one could see a bunch of centurion-styled foot soldiers called the Cylons, instruments of oppression for not-much-of-an-Empire at all. They were, no more and no less, than the Stormtroopers of service here - representing the oppression of an "empire" that was, in truth, quite evasive here. The good guys fled them -even though Cylons were easy pickings, almost on-par with the 1960s Invaders- onboard a ship that gave the show its title - the Battlestar Galactica. In brief, the whole series was but one long chase sequence - one that took place in the starry ways.

That show ended abruptly but was never quite forgotten by its typecast-for-life cast, crew and the supposedly millions of sci-fi geeks that watched it devotedly.

And thus a comeback occurred - a remake and reimagining as well - and, now, the Cylons are all-new, all-lethal and all-unrecognizable as well!

Under the new rules, a Cylon is substantially more than a clunky robot-type; it can be ANYONE. It has morphing and ubiquitous abilities that are beyond reason - but, hey, this is sci-fi, so we have to provide substantial suspension of disbelief here... In this reimagining we see a lot owed to the Terminator franchise - but who cares, really?

Playing a game of "let's imagine which celebrity today would be the most otherworldly believable type of Cylon there could be" has to be appealing - for the sheer new heights (or lows) of satirical wit that can be attained, if for nothing else at all!

Lady Gaga is the first, most obvious suspect. Vin Diesel drew comparisons to the clunky old-style centurion Cylon prototypes, also for obvious reasons (his acting abilty). Also named were Gwyneth Paltrow (inhuman thinness - I said thinness; not Roy Thinnes! - plus she even has shiny legs; definitely otherworldly!), Facebook guru Mark Zuckerberg (the zucker!) and the Kardashian klique (which begat the finest line of all: "you don't have to be a Star Trek fan to know that the Kardashians are not human" PRICELESS!).

But what about, first of all, those who SHOULD HAVE MADE THAT LIST: although they are so uncool, it is downright cruel to pick on them some more, the following have it coming due to their exaggerated wealth when they bring absolutely nothing to the table... We are talking about Bill Gates & his cronies (Steve Ballmer and the rest of Microsoft). We can also add, of course, Steve Jobs - for being such an out-of-this-world jerk. While we're at it, why not add assorted asshole Steves, from many different fields (Austin, Martin, Buscemi, Aoki, Nash - what's with that steve name anyways?!? But that is another story...)

And, secondly but not least important one bit, can't it be said that ALL celebrities are so fake these days, so plasticized, so artificial in every way that, truly, ALL OF THEM ARE INDEED CYLON-LIKE CREATURES?!?

A list of the most likely suspects is, thus, obsolete!

For they're ALL sporting Cylon attributes now!

Ubiquitous through the media, set on (i.e. paid for) publicizing their names, fame and every move...?

Able to metamorphose themselves, in truth, with the help of a 1001 make-up professionals, hairdressers aplenty and assorted fitness consultants...?

Glistening for a thousand unholy reasons as well...

In the final equation, it is truly CYLONS > CELEBS, I am afraid...!

Glen Larson never thought it would get to this with his clunky centurion clones, I AM SO SURE OF IT...!




;-)

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